Clutter & Depression

I never used to be one to obsess over possessions, except for my book and music collection, and except for a temporary bout of materialist insanity in an attempt to follow the advice/criticism of a "friend" and fit in to the corporate work force.

The past two years have been difficult, and I have not been maintaining a minimalist lifestyle as I would like due to OCD perfectionism and being at the crossroads of what to do with my life now that I am married and have someone else to consider in the equation.

My recent exit from the legal field and from the corporate enviroment literally gave me my sanity back.  For years, because I switched my double major from English literature and Romance languages to law as it was more practical, and because my only work experience other than an English tutor was as a paralegal, I tried to convince myself that law was right for me.  While I respect law, and found the the cases interesting in college, I gravely disliked working in a law firm.  I hated the lack of cretativity, the billable hours and the ruthless personalities.  Forcing myself to go from job to job in the field, but I knew to change fields would mean being broke again as I would have to pay for grad school and get paid very little after.

So, I convinced myself that I should be a lawyer because I did well in my classes and even scored 168 on the prep test LSAT after just studying on my own for 2 months.  However, when I took the prep-test and saw my score, a lightbulb lit up in my head.  I realize that my depression and not doing much in what I was passionate about for the last 8 years went hand in hand.  I saw that I wanted to see if I could get into law school as my self esteem was at a all time low in terms of my career and education of late.  Once I saw that I could score well, as I believe I could score even higher if I studied longer, I felt a boost of confidence I have not had in a while, and it gave me the strength to soul search and really be brave and pursue my passion, which is literature, which I have continued writing for 20 years and still read even when I was in the legal field.

I also realized that my depression the last two years has led me to accumulate clutter.  I would buy things, but not have the energy or time to make the decision to discard the old items.

I have decided to embark on getting back to my minimalist lifestyle because I thrived in it. I was not an extreme fanatic minimalist with 10 items of clothing, but I was a moderate and balance minimalist, who only kept what I used and what added value to me.  I believe that the clutter has added to my depression and OCD as my moods were more stabilized when I was more minimalist.

I know that people who have maintained a minimalist lifestyle may be judgmental, but it does not deter me.  I know my struggles, and the way I see it is that sometimes when we fall, we learn faster to pick ourselves up and get stronger as a result.  I hope that others who struggle with the same things that I do or who just want to make their lives more simpler will be helped by the blog entries I will be posting in the near future about my journey.