The Benefits of Yoga, esp. for INTJs

I practiced yoga regularly for a few years, and it was one of the most clear periods in my adult life.

Recently, I started practicing yoga again, and while I only do a half an hour every day and meditation for 10 minutes daily I am getting just back into it, I am already seeing a change.  I feel more relaxed mentally and more energy physically.  INTJs can benefit a great deal from yoga as we are always thinking and analyzing, and doing yoga and meditation gives us a chance to clear our head once in a while.  Clearing your head is important because it allows your brain to de-stress and think afresh.

Many studies have shown that meditation and yoga helps the memory, reduces stress and gives you more energy.  A Harvard study even found that yoga helps anxiety and depression.  You don't have to convert to a religion to do it.  You just need to become in tuned with your body, your breath and nature or your other surroundings.

Below are links on a few more reputable studies as I know we INTJs like scientific studies/proof.

http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletters/Harvard_Mental_Health_Letter/2009/April/Yoga-for-anxiety-and-depression

http://psychcentral.com/news/2010/01/12/scientific-basis-for-yoga-benefits/10693.html

http://health.usnews.com/health-news/diet-fitness/fitness/articles/2010/09/24/benefits-of-yoga-how-different-types-affect-health

http://web.mit.edu/newsoffice/2011/meditation-0505.html

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200304/the-benefits-meditation

http://nccam.nih.gov/health/meditation/overview.htm


There are many other studies out there, but I also believe in trying things oneself.  See it as an experiment.  Practice yoga or mediation for a short period once a day for a month, and see how you feel.  You don't need to even go to a yoga studio unless you like the experience of exercising with others. A true INTJ, I like to exercise solo.  I only go to studios if a friend is with me as it is also a bonding experience.  Usually, I put on a Baron Baptiste or Rodney Yee video or even a YouTube video from a certified yoga instructor, and I do yoga at home or even in my hotel room when I travel.

The Experience of Depression

Notes from Understanding Depression by J. Raymond DePaulo Jr. and  Leslie Alan Horvitz 

Chapter 1 - The Experience of Depression

Those with depression often see no way out. Idea that there is light at the end of the tunnel goes on and off until you stop believing it.

Depression can drain the trust that others have in you

• 3 criteria for depression

• • changes in mood, vitality, mental liveliness, self regard and self esteeem; episodic; and tends to run in families

• Hallmark Symptoms of depression 

• • Self Image - Despair, feel worthless and that everyone is bound to find out; the prospect of receivung help may fail to lift your spirits; feel worthless, useless and no prospect for the future; feel drained, inability to focus or concentrate; only able to read words one at a time, but unable to take in a whole paragraph; unable to focus on what others are saying
   
  • Physical vitality - tend to feel fatigued, lack stamina that you used to have to do things; getting started in morning is difficult, and you don't have the energy to do things that would normally be second nature to you; decreased ability to perform tasks that require concentration or mental effort - this inability can transform minor challenges to major crisis, especially at work; feel worse in the early morning hours and better in the evening; 
   
  • Health and weight - overly preoccupied with physical condition that was previously seen as merely an inconvenience; increased symptoms of existing conditions, like migraine; sex drive may disappear and appetite may decrease to weight loss or even increase to weight gain.  Weight gain in more normal in depressive state of bipolar, seasonal depression or those with long standing depression.  1/3 of people see no change in weight.
   
  • Probably able to get through most days, but with difficulty. May take 6 hours to accomplish what you would normally do in 2 or 3; more errors and performance may become inconsistent 
   
  • Sleeping - increases for people with chronic and seasonal depression; those with episodic experience and extreme forms of depression loss of sleep. Typically have fewer problems falling asleep, but staying asleep is harder. Usually wake at 3 or 4 am and find it difficult to fall back asleep.
   
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  Chapter 2 - Feeling Worthless

  
  
  Self criticisms from depression can creep without raising any alarms.

  
  

  The sense of worthlessness can be so pronounced that the most heartfelt reassurances are not heard. 

  
  

  Warped reasoning

  Some feel that friends are secretly angry at them, but won't come out and tell them because they are just being polite. This is why close relations are hard to maintain. One patient felt that his wife's reassurances about loving him were not genuine and that she was insincere or stupid because if she knew how hollow he was, she would not want to stay with him.

  
  

  Other observations of depression

  Loss of muscle tone - causes them look exhausted all the time. 

  Some walk or talk more slowly. May take one to two minutes to answer a question, even that requires a yes or no.

  Stupor - unable to move; so uncertain what to say or do that they could not act. 

  
  

  Depression and Anxiety 

  Depression is often associated and clustered with anxiety.  Severe anxiety can even be seen as a manifest of dpression. Not all people with depression have anxiety, but they are associated, and many of the same neural pathways and brain regions are involved in both. Depressed people can become so fearful (phobic) of scrutiny that they feel that other people are staring at them. Even walking into a room to exchange a few words may overwhelm them. For many people, when the depression lifts, the anxiety does too. However with some, the anxiety remains.

  
  

  Anxiety types - panic attacks, phobias, Obsessive Compulsive symptoms
   
   
   

Clutter & Depression

I never used to be one to obsess over possessions, except for my book and music collection, and except for a temporary bout of materialist insanity in an attempt to follow the advice/criticism of a "friend" and fit in to the corporate work force.

The past two years have been difficult, and I have not been maintaining a minimalist lifestyle as I would like due to OCD perfectionism and being at the crossroads of what to do with my life now that I am married and have someone else to consider in the equation.

My recent exit from the legal field and from the corporate enviroment literally gave me my sanity back.  For years, because I switched my double major from English literature and Romance languages to law as it was more practical, and because my only work experience other than an English tutor was as a paralegal, I tried to convince myself that law was right for me.  While I respect law, and found the the cases interesting in college, I gravely disliked working in a law firm.  I hated the lack of cretativity, the billable hours and the ruthless personalities.  Forcing myself to go from job to job in the field, but I knew to change fields would mean being broke again as I would have to pay for grad school and get paid very little after.

So, I convinced myself that I should be a lawyer because I did well in my classes and even scored 168 on the prep test LSAT after just studying on my own for 2 months.  However, when I took the prep-test and saw my score, a lightbulb lit up in my head.  I realize that my depression and not doing much in what I was passionate about for the last 8 years went hand in hand.  I saw that I wanted to see if I could get into law school as my self esteem was at a all time low in terms of my career and education of late.  Once I saw that I could score well, as I believe I could score even higher if I studied longer, I felt a boost of confidence I have not had in a while, and it gave me the strength to soul search and really be brave and pursue my passion, which is literature, which I have continued writing for 20 years and still read even when I was in the legal field.

I also realized that my depression the last two years has led me to accumulate clutter.  I would buy things, but not have the energy or time to make the decision to discard the old items.

I have decided to embark on getting back to my minimalist lifestyle because I thrived in it. I was not an extreme fanatic minimalist with 10 items of clothing, but I was a moderate and balance minimalist, who only kept what I used and what added value to me.  I believe that the clutter has added to my depression and OCD as my moods were more stabilized when I was more minimalist.

I know that people who have maintained a minimalist lifestyle may be judgmental, but it does not deter me.  I know my struggles, and the way I see it is that sometimes when we fall, we learn faster to pick ourselves up and get stronger as a result.  I hope that others who struggle with the same things that I do or who just want to make their lives more simpler will be helped by the blog entries I will be posting in the near future about my journey.

Re-Inspired by a Storm and Isolation

Re-Inspired by a Storm and Isolation

I wrote the draft of this post when the hurricane/super storm Sandy was occurring in New York. The storm made me feel how fragile we humans and our lives are, and I came to a few realizations that I would like to hold on to and share as well.

Below are my thoughts during the storm:


While I don't want people's homes to be flooded, and I have been checking up on my loved ones, I'm actually loving the storm. The wind is howling as you can hear in the above video that I filmed from my window. The trees having been swaying a bit dangerously as the wind is blowing at 90 mph, and the windows are rattling so much that they sound like they could crack. The above video does not demonstrate how extreme it was. I'm keeping the camera quit still. The sky has been dark and dreary all day. No one is outside, and cars rarely pass by. Yet, I honestly love it. I have always enjoyed the rain when I am indoors. I love to see it on the wet leaves on the trees and on the pavement, which is why autumn has always been my favorite season. I know its odd to like storms and dreary weather, but it is quite peaceful, it mirrors my mood at times, and it reminds me that I'm human and how fragile, yet precious is life.

I haven't been quite productive, but I've enjoyed this lazy day of watching missed re-runs of The Vampire Diaries and True Blood.

I do hope to get some housework done after one more episode as I just returned from a trip from San Antonio with my husband. Ironically, we left sunny weather, with the temperatures at approximately 88 degrees. My husband had a work assignment, and it was the first time I had ever left my home or New York for more than a week and a half. I was there for 3 weeks, and it was so freeing being away from all the clutter in my apartment. As I mentioned in some of my recent posts, I've been trying to Ho back to a minimalist lifestyle because I find that whenever I have more than I need and use, I get very unfocused, and it brings on bouts of moderate depression. However, I have been struggling with letting things go because I am only working 8 - 10 hours a week now, and I felt like I was wasting and loosing money by donating or discarding my items.

However, this trip was quite an eye opener on how badly my possessions were draining my energy. Since my husband was working, we only went out on weekends. During the week, I was so focused and my mind more free that I've been for years now that I was able to get some work and reading done. Usually, I am so immobilized by all my possessions that I just surf the web or watch videos because I can focus due to the visual distraction of things that need to be organized and cleaned. Now, I'm not a hoarder as you see on A&E, but I do tend to compulsively shop when I am in a down mood. I have moderate OCD, and am a very visual person, so a cluttered house drives me nuts, but with so many things brought in by my shopping, I can't think, and feel overwhelmed with where to start decluttering. This habit started slowly in a few years ago, bug got very bad. I've gone from moving out with a large duffle bag and books, then moving from my second apartment in 2008 with just 3 suitcases comprising of all my possessions (clothing, books, shoes, bags) to 4 three by two feet closets of clothing hanging in those closets, 1 closet of shoes and bags, and 1 bin of fabric and trim. My books are contained to just a very small bookshelf because I mostly purchase eBooks now. In 2009, I only had 113 items of clothing. So, in three years my OCD and depression has made me hit rock bottom. I saw a therapist, but she did psychoanalysis, which was not helpful because I already knew my issue was depression and mild OCD. I am still looking for a cognitive behavioral therapist. When I was away Fromm home for ten three weeks, I did have some obsessive thoughts and some dark moments but I was able to deal with it by self talk and by doing my work, do they passed. However, when I'm home I'm in such an overwhelmed state that I don't have the energy to employ coping strategies.

So, I've decided to not even think about my possessions and whether I need it in the far future, I've decided only to keep only items I wore this year or that I intend to wear in the next 3 winter months. For instance, I wear mostly black, but I have quite a number of red tops, skirts and dresses just because color red is my favorite color in addition to black. I'm putting these in the donation bag without a thought of future use.

The past is the past, and we cannot hold on to it or the money or opportunities list. Nor can we plan for the future in detail, but rather just to a vague extent. My trip gave me the impetus to go back to a mknslist lifestyle. I will post more on my progress, and I hope that it helps you as well. Anyone with OCD, depression or who is a minimalist who has advice if comments to share, I welcome and appreciate them.

Thanks for reading.

Alleviating Depression - Focus on What You Enjoy & True Friends

For those who are in a down mood or struggle from depression, I found it more helpful to learn about how to be happier rather that to learn more about depression. I have read quite a bit of literature on depression, suffering from moderate depression (dysthymia) in the past. There were some days where no self talk made me better as an INTJ, I turn every idea around and analyze it, so saw holes in the self talk. 

So, I find that the best way for getting though a dark day or mood is by doing things that I truly enjoy (the brilliant advice of my husband), such as reading some literature, writing a poem or story, sewing or seeing a friend.  What you enjoy may vary, of course. On days that I am not at my lowest, if I feel a little drained, I try to focus on things that make me less sad. While, those with depression will never be as  happy as the average person and those major depression may need both medication and therapy from a professional, there are still things we can do on a regular basis to ease moderate dark feelings or moods. I have accomplished some of my best creative projects in those dark moods, so I do not hate them and I embrace the dark and light sides of life in so many ways. Dark moods may be something that analytical and refelctive people like INTJs may encounter more that others. However, it is important to view it from a a place of power, where you deal with it, and do not let it debilitate you. 

On this note, here is a great video by Nobel laureate, Daniel Kahneman, on the subject of happiness that you may find useful.  

One thing that is very important in my own experience if you have depression is to surround yourself with people who are positive and caring. I used to have a good number of friends, but some of them were very critical, competitive and negative. I can appreciate intellectual debate any day, but I find personal attacks and criticism for no reason to be done only by insecure or self absorbed people. So, now I choose to maintain only a few close friendships and I am much happier after seeing them once a month, than when I saw my many friends a few times a week. 

Kahneman also found that based on a survey of 600,000 Americans that happiness corresponds to if you  "spend time with people you like". He said: “Below 60,000 dollars a year, people are unhappy, and they get progressively unhappier the poorer they get. Above that, we get an absolutely flat line. I mean I’ve rarely seen lines so flat."

 

Letting go of Negativity & Criticism for Growth

I have been in a bit of a rut the last few weeks, and I cannot focus on work or studying. This is difficult for me as I work from home and study at home. My work does not pay very well, and is based on an hourly rate, so distractions and not being able to focus for hours means a loss in my pay. As for the studying, I have to take 2 GRE exams (general and subject) in the next few months, so I really do not have the luxury of loosing time.

Yet, when at home, I get distracted with reorganizing my possessions, cleaning the house, and going on the internet for hours. There were many times in my life when my focus was superb. I have been thinking about those times, and what facilitated that focus. I am an HSP (highly sensitive person), so I am affected by excessive sensory stimulation. However, since I do not have to deal with the stress of a micromanaging or domineering boss as before, my environment in terms of people is not the issue. However, I have worked out of a hotel for a few days every few weeks when visiting my husband when he is away for work, and my focus has been a lot better. I do get sidetracked and watch the history channel at times as I do not have cable at home, but overall, I am not as distracted and pull myself back after wasting time for a certain interval.

Looking back at my entire life and at the times when I was able to focus and also reflecting on why I am able to focus better away from home, I realize that my possessions and worrying about the well being of others seriously drain my energy. There is such a thing as doing too much of both. This morning, in the hotel, I started thinking about the several bins of clothing, shoes and bags that I have to go through as I am trying to weed out my clothing to have a more minimalist inventory. It brought me down so much that I unconsciously started surfing the web for a few hours to not think about it. Yesterday, I began to think about how needy some people in my life are for self assurance and for me to pick them up. This also weighed down on me and drained my energy as I realized after years of positive talk to them, only a person can change their own happiness, and it is selfish to ask others to do that. Although I am a caring person, I am also an INTJ, and I show care and love in different ways. However, what makes it hard to show care to these people as they have been very critical of me as a person, and also of me not showing enough even when I am trying. So, being that they are somewhat negative people and with their past history of being critical, I often feel guilty and drained when thinking about or trying to show care for them. This has affected my focus and my self esteem over the years because I feel that no matter what I do, it is not enough for them, and they do not accept me as I am.

I am certainly not an unfeeling person, and show care to my husband and 4 close friends often enough, but these people are positive or at least show me care in return. Very lopsided or one sided relationships where one is doing most of the giving or when demands are placed upon one who is not of the ability to fulfill them are draining and bad for the psyche. So, despite my guilty feelings, I have decided to limit contact with those people until I am at a healthier place psychologically to do so. I have spent my whole life in guilt in wanting to take care of myself first and have given a lot of my time and care that I did not have to extra to give due to it. However, after seeing a psychologist who noticed this pattern, and who told me that I had a right to care for myself too, I am trying to become healthier and raise my self esteem that has been broken directly and indirectly by negative people and many of emotional and verbal abuse.

When we are able to let go of the pain of the past, and build our self esteem and ourselves again, then we will be able to give. However, we cannot cover the pain with a false sheet of trying to be a good person and being a martyr for those we love. Otherwise, it only builds resentment that resurfaces later and actually taints the love or care that we feel for others. I am a private person, so I don't reveal things about myself such as I have above to most people. However, I do hope that others who have gone through verbal and emotional abuse that has affected their self esteem and sense of self worth would be brave enough to love themselves first before trying to love others.

INTJs & Overanalysis - A Few Helpful Tips

One reader recently voiced the frustration experienced from over-analysis and perfectionism, which are two INTJ qualities than can be debilitating if taken too far. Here is the original comment to my post titled INTJs Love a Challenge, but Not for Ego. My analysis (no pun intended) and a few tips to cope with this are below.

 

Well... I know it feels good trying to keep with our high standards (sometimes excessive that we hardly achieve them).

But speaking about ego, I think I'm experiencing what people refer as ego diffusion... People say that INTJ take thorough and consider multiple aspects before making their decision. And I think I take too much of them... It's like I'm overwhelming with tons of perspective from different sources & aspects. I, then conclude that everything is just relative; there is nothing absolute. That kind of thought leads me to horrible performance of my life, and suddenly I feel like I don't have any worthy goal... I lost my will to achieve my own standards. I know it's freaking pathetic & useless thought, but I just can't get rid of it. It's been 2-3 years and I'm still drowning into such subconscious thoughts.

Do you have any suggestion about how I can kill or control of this? Seriously, I really want to stop thinking, stop analyzing things, stop planning, then enjoy and live my life... 

Understanding INTJs Natural Inclination to Overanalyze

I understand the frustration of this reader as I have had many periods of inertia due to over-analysis in the past few years myself.

The good news is the ability to analyze things in different ways is one of the best qualities of INTJs it is what makes them open minded and visionary. However, as you and I have both experienced, INTJs have an almost obsessive quality of gathering and analyzing information and issues. This can lead to procrastination and loss of self esteem (ego diffusion). The reason for this is because while our close relatives, INTP also like to gather information, they like to gather information and look at issues for the sake of just learning. While we, INTJS love to learn, we are also pragmatic systems people in that we gather and analyze to make decisions, create solutions and applications. Thefore, we require closure. I have found myself analuzing issues and gathering information for days, weeks and even months. While on one hand I see this as increasing knowledge, it does leave me feeling a loss of self esteem because I have nothing concrete to show for it. Herein lies that need for closure and application.

It is interesting that you write this comment to me now, as I have started to make small behavioral changes in my life in the past few weeks to combat this inertia and loss of self esteem. I have found that since as a true and extreme INTJ I analyze everything down to my toothpaste and when choosing to donate an item of clothing, I need to put limitiations on what I focus my mental energy on. Although I am sure we have both tried to, the truth is that it is virtually impossble to focus your mental energy on every issue. It is especially hard for INTJs are we are perfectionists and cannot rest until an issue or activity has been thoroughly analyzed or pefected. However, trying to apply these high standards to a numberous amount of issues and activities just leads to your mental focus being streched thin, and you not being able to truly accomplish anything.


 So, I employed a few tactics (below) that may help you as well.

Some Possible Solutions

• I made a list (INTJs love lists, don't we) of things in my life that I have been focusing my mental energy on. 

• Then I made another list of goals that I want to achieve in the next 5 years.

• I then streamlined my 5 year goals to just 3 goals.

• Lastly, I looked at the activities on my first list and decided what were aiding my goals and what weren't. I have decided to cut out or cute down on the ones that do not. 

• If your issue is analyzing your thoughts, which I also struggle with at times, I would recommend that you do meditation.  Meditation may be difficult for you at first as we have active brains, and it is hard to slow down or ignore the thoughts as meditation requires. However, mindfulness meditation is a bit easier to do as you focus on your body and your breath. It also helps you to live in and focus on the moment, which can help aid in releasing your active thoughts for a few minutes, so they are not constant and making you feel neurotic or stressed.

• If meditation is difficult, yoga is a great alternative because while you are doing poses, you are forced to focus on what you are doing and not to analyze it or do anything else. Otherwise, you will fall off the pose. It forces you to be present and to release your analyzing, which has been very good for me. I don't do yoga as much as I should with my overactive mind, but whenever I am feeling especially stressed or tense, I try to do it. You can do it at a studio or with a video. Both work for me. 

• Taking walks in nature is also a great way to release the stress and over-analysis. Focus on beauty of the trees and the fresh air.

I think the hardest thing is breaking old habits, but it can be done as you become aware of them. For instance, I have spent a lot of time DIYing in the last few years as I love being creative. However, I also write, which is creative and more in line with my goals. So, I am in the process of de-cluttering my fabric stash and kitchen gadgets.

I also like looking at blogs and collecting pictures on minimalist interiors and fashion because I am intruiged by the idea of creating an effect with less. However, this is not in line with my goals. I also like to research music, bands and artists, and figuring out their influences and genre, but I can get carried away with spending too many hours analyzing this as well. So, I try not to do this at all or to no more than three hours a week. It has not been easy at first, but I find that turning off the computer is key for me.

I also love the History Channel, National Geographic and the Travel Channel, but I now limit myself to just a few shows, rather than keeping the TV running most of the day.

Your challenges and activities will be different, but you must figure out where you are spending your time, and what is worthy of your mental energy. While we INTJs think everything can benefit from analysis, it does not always translate into success and self-esteem. So, we need structure and limitations on what we analyze as we will naturally analyze every thought and thing that crosses our path.

Most of all, remember that although as INTJs we may believe otherwise, in reality, it is impossible to be perfect in everything you do. This is something that I have had to come to terms with. So, since INTJs can't help but wanting to do things perfectly, cutting down your activities or the things that you are focusing on allows you to try to dedicate your time to doing a few things extremely well. 

As I give you this advice, I am also employing these tactics myself, so I know it is not easy to change habits or to cut out things that you enjoy, but all things that are worth it take time and effort. I will share more tips on my blog about this, so please stay tuned. Also, let me know your progress and any tips that you may have as well. 

The Balance of Structure and Individuality

Loosing Structure 

For the last few years, I believed that I disliked structure very much. However, I also noticed that without structure, such as a schedule or to do list or a plan for my days, months and years, I have drifted from job to job and not moved closer to my personal and life goals. I didn’t quite understand my aversion to structure in those last few years as when I was a paralegal, I took a great sense of pride in accomplishing things in a measured time. Even before that, from my youth to my early 20s, I was always an achiever, who planned my goals, and took steps to achieve them.

Thinking about thesee things in the last week as I feel more driven to accomplish my goal of getting into a top grad school, I realized that I need stucture to be successful. I am an INTJ, not an INTP. I also realized that the reason I have had an aversion to structure in the past few years is because I began to associate structure with people trying to control me. This is due to my previous relationship, where the person was as such, and caused me great anxiety due to his infidelities. Additionaly, it is due to my having a two jobs where I was micromanaged, and structured in by my bosses in almost everything I did. I also began to associate structure with people I saw who are successful and very structured, but who are also verymainstream in their views and behaviors, while I am somewhat unconventional.

Structure does not mean conformity

I  began to associate structure with the lack of freedom to be myself, and an invisible hand of society to conform me to the thoughts and behaviors of most people. Subconsciously, I rebelled, not in the way I rebelled as a teen, where I went goth, with black clothing, high platform boots, streaks in my hair or safety pins and staples in my clothing. How I rebelled was in abandoning the desire and need for structure in my life, and instead doing what spurred me in the moment, not planning my days in detail, and trying to be more hippiesh, and procrastinating. However, I still could not help planning myself in some ways, such as planning where I will meet my friends, checking out the directions first, deciding what I would do if I arrived early, etc. Yet to not stick to the structure and rigidity of being punctual, which I associated with my structered jobs, I would decide to do the dishes or clean the apartment before I leave, and therefore, end up leaving later than I estimated and knew I should. I rebelled by impulsively shopping, yet ironically, I would plan that I would impulsively shop, such as which store, which isle I would start with, etc. While at the store, I still sorted through my options before I make my decision. The inpulse was in purchasing things that I didn’t need more of. My need for structure then led me to continously organize, categorize and de-clutter my items.

Success requires vision and a plan

 Looking back over the last few years, I realize that I have always been successful when I have a vision, a plan, and take small action steps daily to achieve that plan. My rebellion against the structure I need has led me to seek structure in other ways, such as my environment, yet since my internal views were not congruent, even that has not stayed structured as I would like, leading to a lot of stress and wasted time organizing. I have come to understand myself that I like structure and getting things done. I don’t feel accomplished just thinking about things, and drifting aimslessly in knowledge. I like my thoughts and ideas to translate into something tangiable, into something that can be achieved, and I need closure and accomplishment. What I don’t need is structure and control under someone else’s terms. I am after all, an INTJ. I am highly independent, resourceful and I need a balance of a path/structure to follow in a job, but also enough freedom to exercise my ideas, and demonstrate and build my skills.